Attachment Styles Explained: What Our Favourite Characters Reveal About Love and Relationships

Love is a universal experience. Yet how we express it, seek it and fear it varies for everyone. Psychology has always been interested to learn about human experiences, and understanding attachment styles has fascinated psychologists beyond explanation. Several theories of attachment were put forward but the most prominent theory was that of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. They developed an Attachment Theory to explain attachment styles in relationships. But, what are attachment styles? Let’s ask our favourite characters…

What Are Attachment Styles?

 In simple words, attachment styles are the ways in which individuals respond in a relationship. The attachment styles  theory suggests that our experiences in childhood and our relationships with our primary caregivers influence our later relationships in life. Basically, how you were treated as a kid by your parents or guardians will determine how you act in your adult relationships, both personal and professional. Bowlby and Ainsworth put forward four types of attachment styles– secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment  and disorganised attachment. 

Done with the jargon, let’s move to the fun part. Let’s explore these different attachment styles and the fictional characters that fit in them.

Love That Didn’t Suffocate: Murad’s Secure Attachment

Have you ever met a person who is so secure in their relationship that nothing can shake their trust? Someone who is so respectful and emotionally available that they’re like those fictional characters? That’s the essence of a Secure Attachment Style—trust, emotional availability, and respect without fear.

We all know Murad from the movie Gully Boy, the guy who worked very hard and never gave up on his dreams. But Murad was not just a rapper who never gave up, he was also an excellent boyfriend, someone who came right out of TV (ironic, isn’t it?)

I remember watching the movie for the first time and thinking to myself why he isn’t getting angry at her despite all that happens. Murad never once tried to control her– he accepted her just the way she was, with all her flaws, even when Safeena got violent out of jealousy! He calmly loved all of her. And the final scene where he searches for Safeena after winning the rap battle, wins this battle of how secure he was in his love and wanted his partner to be a part of his successes as well. 

Murad also gives us another lesson in attachment styles. We all might wonder how he was secure when he had an abusive father and lived in poverty. Now there comes the beauty of attachment, because our adult attachment reflects the kind of love we receive in childhood. And Murad, despite his conditions, had a healthy relationship with his mother and childhood friends. That’s how it became easier for him to give the secure attachment we all need - one where trust, emotional availability and respect exist without fear and insecurity. 

Love That Needed Saving From Itself: Leonard’s Anxious Attachment 

Have you ever felt like no matter how much love you receive, it never quite feels like enough? Do you overanalyze small shifts in your partner’s tone or panic when they take too long to reply? If so, you might relate to Leonard Hofstadter from The Big Bang Theory, a classic example of the Anxious Attachment Style. Marked by a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, people with anxious attachment styles crave love yet constantly worry about losing it.

If you have watched the series (which btw if you haven’t you definitely should) you would know that Leonard’s journey throughout the series perfectly illustrates this pattern, making him a textbook case of anxious attachment. Leonard craves a relationship with Penny, yet lives in a constant fear of losing her.  This is evident in his repeated proposals throughout the series, each driven more by his fear of losing her than by the right timing or mutual readiness. The fear of losing Penny to others, also made him jealous towards her male friends, but also made him confused on what he could do about it. 

Leonard’s anxious attachment might have developed in his childhood, where he was raised by an emotionally unavailable mother and his father didn’t have much say in how he was raised. This emotional neglect by his mother gave rise to his desperation for love and validation in his adulthood. He feared that if he didn’t try enough then people would abandon him and move on. All this led to the Leonard Hofstader we all know and love (and sympathise with) - one who so desperately needs Penny’s love, but can’t believe it when he has it and is scared it’ll leave him one day.

Love That Couldn’t Keep Up: Bunny’s Avoidant Attachment 

Have you ever met a person who is hyper-independent and avoids emotional intimacy? Someone who really wants that situationship, but will run away the moment you say the ‘L-word’?  Well, that’s a person with an avoidant attachment style. Someone who has this attachment style would feel uncomfortable in listening and expressing feelings and would avoid being in a relationship for as long as they can.

“Mujhe phir se pyaar ho jayega, aur tum chale jaoge, phirse…” yes, you guessed it right. Bunny from Yeh Jawani Hai Diwani who only wanted to run and never stop. 

He was always running– towards the next adventure, the next dream, the next horizon that promised freedom. But if we pay attention we would realise that Bunny was not running away from small towns and settled lives; he was running away from something far scarier – attachment. He ran not because he didn’t love her, he ran because he didn’t know how to stay. 

But can we really blame Bunny? For him love was impermanent, it was something that could fade anytime and would remain as nothing more than a photo frame. The death of his mother had taught him that. His father  probably devastated himself, never wrapped him in words or reassurance or showed him that love could be something to lean on and not just something to lose. His relationship with his stepmother also could have taught him the impermanence of love and how it's better to be avoidant with his attachment, from his childhood to adulthood. 

Love That’s a Comfort Or Threat?: Kaira’s Disorganised Attachment 

Love isn’t always simple. What happens when love feels both like the comfort of home and the threat of the unknown? What happens when someone  craves relationships and emotional intimacy but withdraws the moment they get into a relationship?. This is the essence of another attachment style called Disorganised Attachment Style. It is an amalgamation of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles, where a person wants love but runs away from it the moment they get it. Kaira and her ‘perfect kursi search’ throughout Dear Zindagi can show us what this attachment style means.

If you have watched Dear Zindagi, the one thing that strikes out the most is the uncertainty in Kaira’s behaviour. She constantly finds faults in her partner’s behaviour and finds ways to push him away. At times she seems detached and independent but at other times she craves love and reassurance. It is a constant tug of war between these two and this is the key sign of disorganised attachment. 

Such a difficult situation arose (again) because of her attachment style in childhood.  Kaira was abandoned by her parents at a very young age. Her childhood wounds of being emotionally neglected and feeling like a “second choice” to her brother left her struggling to believe that she was worthy of love. For her, love came with rejection and this belief shaped her adult relationships. She had mistrust in the relationship with her caregivers and this led to mistrust in adult romantic relationships. 

Final Thoughts: Becoming Secure in Love and Life

Well, I don’t want to end the blog with you feeling guilty about falling into one of these categories (especially in the insecure attachment style categories) and so I want to remind you that at the end of the day, love is not just about attachment styles—it’s about growth, understanding, and healing. Whether you see yourself in the anxious longing of Leonard, the restless independence of Bunny, the fearful push-and-pull of Kaira, or the secure strength of Murad, the key is awareness. The more we understand our own attachment patterns, the better we can navigate relationships with empathy and emotional balance. Love isn’t just about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person too. So let's all try to become more secure in life and in our relationships.

FAQs on Attachment Styles

Q: What are the 4 main attachment styles?

A: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized—each influencing how we navigate relationships based on childhood experiences.

Q: Can I change my attachment style?

A: Yes! With self-awareness, therapy, and conscious effort, you can develop a more secure attachment style over time.

Q: How do I know my attachment style?

A: Reflect on your relationship patterns, emotional responses, and past experiences. Taking an attachment style quiz or consulting a therapist can also help.

Q: Do attachment styles only affect romantic relationships?

A: No! They impact friendships, family dynamics, and even workplace interactions.

Q: Can two people with different attachment styles have a successful relationship?

A: Absolutely! Awareness, communication, and mutual effort can help partners build a strong, secure connection.

Q: What is the rarest attachment style?

A: Disorganized attachment is the least common and often results from traumatic or inconsistent childhood experiences.

Q: Can someone have a mix of attachment styles?

A: Yes! Attachment styles exist on a spectrum, and many people display traits of multiple styles depending on their experiences and relationships.